Reasons why NOT to join the Fellowship of the ring
by She Elf of Hidden Lore
Summary: This is simply a list with short descriptions of reasons why not to join the Fellowship of the Ring from the experience of a young woman who ends up in it. It is purely for Humor and Fun so there will be OOC contents in it. Rated T for strong language and other things.
1. Reason 1

This idea came from my friend while we were talking. I told her I was sleepy and that a reason why I would never join the Fellowship of the Ring is because there is not enough sleep in that journey. She laughed and told me should write a "Reasons why not to join the fellowship", and she began to dictate a few. So that is when we started brainstorming and so came up with "Reasons why not to join the Fellowship of the Ring"

**WARNING! **This is all done merely for fun and humor so it will contain OOC characteristics so if you believe you will not like it you don't need to read it. It will start a bit normal but it will gradually grow in weirdness.

This is co-written with the unofficial writer of this net, Windy.

I never wanted to join the Fellowship of the Ring. I never asked for it, and if I had been asked, I would have yelled a big, fat **'NO!'.** I've seen the movies and frankly, there is nothing about them that makes me want to jump right into a world of danger where walking is what you do for about 70% of your life and the rest is just sleeping in the dirt and not bathing for weeks on end. But it seems a force bigger than I wanted to have some fun with me and throw me into this situation.

My name is Alexandra, but people normally call me Alex. So this all began one day while I was crossing the street to my house. I was distracted while talking on the phone and I did not see this Van taking a fast turn towards me and so I was run over. I opened my eyes to find myself in the strangest of places. As time passed, I learned I was in Rivendell in Middle earth. Apparently, God did not want me in Heaven and decided to throw me somewhere else. I cannot blame him, I know I am the type of person who inspires creative cursing in others as well as a vast list of ways to kill me. To sum things up, Elrond could not stand me any longer and when he learned that I knew everything about the Secret meeting and Quest, he decided to take that excuse and throw me into the Fellowship in hopes that I would not make it out alive from the first battle we came across. He even told Gandalf and Aragorn that they could try to lose me during the night! I knew I had a whole month before we departed so I dedicated myself to training to make sure to have a way to defend myself.

Well, without further ado, these are my reasons why I never wanted to join the Fellowship of the Ring.

**1- One does not simply learn to wield a weapon properly**

So like I said before, I wanted to train to make sure I could protect myself from the dangers I knew were coming**. **For starters, swords are damn heavy, and don't be fooled, wooden war bows are heavier than they look. I can hardly lift the sword and I almost sliced myself in a half. A peanut could shoot a bow better than I! My aim is horrible and while releasing an arrow the bow bounced off my hand and struck me. I know have a scar on my left temple. One time Boromir came over to watch me train. In the end he came up to me and said "One does not simply learn to wield a weapon properly, especially if you are a woman." That night Boromir came out from his bath covered in leeches.


	2. Reason 2

**I am glad people are into the idea of this fic! I hope you continue to like it as more reasons, both reasonable and weird, come up.**

This goes to **Random reader **I could not reply to through PM. Thank a lot for being my first reviewer! You will be surprised for the many that will appear. If you ever want to make suggestions you can either put them in a review or PM me.

If anyone has a reason they would like to share you are most welcome to put in in the review or PM.

**2- Not enough sleep.**

It is as plain and simple as that. Gandalf does not seem to realize that not all of us are accustomed to sleep three to four hours per day! So that was when the trouble really started for me. When someone came to wake me up I would just ignore them and try to continue sleeping. Of course try to sleep when at least five men are yelling at you to get up. One time Boromir emptied his canteen on me, but I simply pretended I was not annoyed and that I had been looking forward for a bath and this was as close as it got. When I said "Well I did want to take a bath. How kind of you to help me bathe, though I would prefer you did it somewhere more private instead of in front of everyone," the man's face exploded in red. It is just too easy to make these men get embarrassed and blush. He left mumbling a curse, which is nothing new to me.

Once, Gimli was the one who tried to wake me up by shaking me violently. I got up, grabbed his hand and bit his index finger. Don't ever bite a dwarf's finger! They are hairy, smelly, sweathy since they are in leather gloves all day, and they taste like old pig meat! It took me two days to completely get rid of the awful flavor. One day they decided they've had enough of me so when refused to get up they decided to tie a rope at my feet and between Aragorn and Boromir I was dragged through half of Middle earth. I was screaming and cursing so they gaged so that my screams would not call the attention of an enemy, and because the profanities that I was yelling were "Death pain" worthy. Poor hobbits, they were truly shaken by the words that left my mouth that day. After that they threatened to do it again if I ever refused to get up.

**I will try to update daily since most of it is already done and they are not long. Like I said before, anyone who wishes to give ideas is welcome by review or PM.**


	3. Reason 3

**We are very happy, Windy and I, that you guys are liking and commenting this story so much. I especially have always liked when you mention exactly what you liked since it helps me see what is being done right.**

**For those of you who mentioned about the weight of a bow, I just wanted to clarify that I've held war bows of pure wood and they are quite heavy, especially since you have to hold it with just one hand, so that's why I said they are heavier than they look.**

**This has been very fun to write. I hope it continues this way. One of you suggested if they could be longer. We will try. Some are a bit longer than the others, and we will do our best to give it enough contents. **

**3- You spend all day walking.**

What fun do fans see in walking all day? I do not know. We start walking before the sun comes out and stop hours after the sun has disappeared. The first day I had to stop to take a break every half hour and then run after the fellowship. On the third day my feet were covered with blisters and on the fifth I had reached my limits. I was tired, my feet were bleeding through the boots and no one seemed to care at all. It was then that I had a short moment of shock, and by that I mean I completely lost all sense of sanity and began to scream and curse at the sky for sending me on this blasted journey. One moment I was screaming and cursing and next thing I know I am on the floor looking up at the starlight night and my head was pounding like it had been hit by a hammer. It was a close guess, the truth is that Gandalf knocked me out with his staff. I wondered why I was not left behind in the middle of nowhere, it was the perfect chance. It turns out they were going to do that, but dear ol' Frodo vouched for me. Now finally the blisters are gone but my feet feel like sandpaper. On the bright side, my legs have quite the sculptured shape after all the toning they recieved. Something good _had _to come from all of this!

**Comments, ideas and reviews are welcomed!**


	4. Reason 4

**We have enjoyed reading your comments and reviews a lot! We are super excited and happy that you have liked this fic so much. I hope we never disappoint you.**

**I had to take down this chapter to fix several errors but now everything should be fine. Sorry for the inconvenience.**

**4- The food sucks**

I am not condemning Sam's cooking, but eating the same damn food without seasoning for days and days can make anyone lose their appetite. And Lembas is all good and fine, but it begins to suck when that is virtually the only thing you are eating for days. Oh, and don't get me started on Eowyn's cooking, the woman turns food into poison! I remember the first time I ate some of her cooking. She had asked me to try out the food for her. I wanted to spit out the first bite, but she was looking at me with such puppy dog eyes that it made me powerless to tell her the truth. Needless to say I spent the entire night gagging and emptying my stomach and I could not eat anything for an entire day after that. My only consolation is that Aragorn was the only one that also ate from her cooking, and he too spent the night behind a rock emptying his stomach, though in the movie they don't show it because they want to maintain this _perfect man_ image. And yet throught the entire journey I was never allowed to cook or help out. They would prefer to starve to death than to even try my cooking. And I really think my cooking isn't _that _bad. It certainly not comparable with Eowyn's.

I never thought I'd miss junk food so much. I tried to introduce hotdogs and other foods, but the one time I mentioned hotdogs, they literally thought I ate actual dog meat! Legolas almost fainted and the others just made this weird and disgusted face like I was a cannibal or something. Damn it, I really want a burger!

**Have a good weekend! **


	5. Reason 5

**Windy-san and I want to thank all you guys for all your support. We are thrilled this fic has been so liked.**

***NOTE: I wanted to clear some things so that you may enjoy the fic better. First, it is meant to be a personal narration that the character, Alexandra, (I forgot to name her at first but now you can see it in the first chapter) is personally telling, so it is meant to be informal, according to her personality. Second, there is no specific timeline for this fic. It does follow a certain order, which is the manner in which her reasons increase in craziness so to speak, but it will randomly go back and forth at times, especially since not all examples of the reason she is explaining happened on the same place and time.**

**5- You don't bathe in days **

Middle earth really needs to get itself a hygiene and health's department. It comes to the point where you start to believe that you skin has always been this odd brownish color and that your hair will forever be a hard mix of dirt, sweat and dry orc blood. I remember when I used to take two baths per day at the least, but now I take one bath per week if I get lucky, and it is not a hot bath in a tub where you could relax for an hour or two, letting your tense muscles revive from the harsh treating they receive in this dammed journey, no, it is a five minute bath in freezing cold rivers and streams. And because I am the only girl I am sent to the far parts of the river and, to add insult to injury, one of the members, mainly Aragorn or Legolas, will be very close by to make sure I don't get into trouble, though I think they were secretly wishing the river would suddenly rise and wash me away. It actually scares me to think that the real reason they do this might be to sneak a little peek at my womanly parts, because even if they are supposedly honorable men, they are all _still_ men who travel alone… with no women… just me… oh God…

**Once again we would like to say that we welcome any ideas since there is always things we do not realize that some of you might. If you wish you can leave it in the review or a PM and your name will be mentioned at the beginning of the chapter if you will allow it.**


	6. Reason 6

***NOTE from cowriter: Hello my fellow readers! ^^ Windy-san here 0w0/ Just passing through and letting yall know that I'm really happy that you like this little fic so much! =3 It's definitely a pleasure reading all your comments, it motivates us to write more and better =w= I can't wait 'till we get to the reeeaaaally crazy ones, I assure you, they are hilarious ^w^ till next time! Windy out! ^w~ **

**6- You're around sweaty, sticky men **

Like I said before, we only get to bathe once or twice per week, so when you're walking from dusk till dawn, you sweat and you begin to smell. Some of you would think that being around sweaty, handsome men is not that bad, well try smelling them for a change and see if it's such as turn on as you would think!

I did my best to keep fresh. I would use my canteen water to secretly wash myself at nights as well as I could, but the rest of the nine men around me seemed to care little about the pungent smell they emitted. Seriously, orcs could track us down if they tried to sniff the company out! Only Legolas seemed as fresh and fragrant as a rose in the morning every second of the day, which is highly annoying.

Once, when Gandalf gave us one of those once in a million breaks, I sat down on the grass and Gimli came over and, standing an inch beside me, decided to open his arms and stretch. Oh God the horror! The stench that came from under his arms struck me like and orc's fist! I could see his sweat dripping from his pits like a waterfall! I remember throwing up before passing out.

**Hey all! She elf here, the picture that is now the cover for this story was drawn by Windy-san so you can have an idea of how Alexandra is. Though as the chapters go by you should imagine her hair all messed up and her clothes all raggedy, some dirt and stuff. Later on Windy-san will do another cover with her the way I explained before so you can see it and laugh. **


	7. Reason 7

**Sorry for the late post, we were out, but don't worry, it's here now :)**

**7****- You have to wear the same outfit for weeks**

There is not enough space in your backpack for extra clothing. I was only allowed to carry some food, clean underwear and a blanket, under the excuse that we needed to travel light in case there was need to run and a heavy backpack would do me no good. So I was stuck with the same tunic for weeks. It was really annoying, the skirt was damn long and the leggings were a bit loose. This was to allow me better flexibility and movement, but the skirt was a real pain. It got caught in branches when we were passing through forests and even enemies would use it against me! An orc grabbed it once during my first fight, and dragged me around the floor! It was insulting! (and painful!) Worst of all was that none of the others came to help me, so I had to cut some of it off to save my butt, because the ugly grin and dark gleam on that orc's face gave away the dirty little intentions he had for me. Now I have half a skirt and the men have the audacity to tell me it's improper for a lady to wear such "risqué" attire! It's not even my fault! None of them came to help me! What was I supposed to do, let them take me?! Besides, is not even that short at all! It reaches half my knees and I have big leggings that make my legs seem like they don't even have shape, which is a pity because by now they are quite strong and sexy. Oh well, what else can you expect from this place?

**Well now Windy-san and I are off to drink some Chai Tea and relax, write some more reasons and stuff. We're feeling lazy for anything else.**


	8. Reason 8

**Hello again to all you wonderful readers and reviewers. Windy-san and I have noticed that we already had many of the reasons some of you suggested since they are mostly the basic things, though some have been new ideas. We wanted to let you know that it is okay to give crazy and weird ideas since as the fic advances, things ****_will _****get crazy, and we mean really crazy. Since this is something just for fun and humor, you can suggest almost anything and we will see if we can make it work. Right now we have over thirty reasons just waiting to be finished and posted, so there is still time. Without further ado, here is reason number 8. **

**8- There are no bathrooms or toilet paper**

I remember the first time nature called, it wasn't pretty. I had asked Aragorn where I could go to do my business, he laughed and simply said "I saw a pretty good bush you could use for that not far back." I was shocked. Some part of me knew he was just trying to help, but the other part was screaming profanities at how cruel this world was. Either way, I went to do my business and just when I finished, a thought came to mind: "Where's the toilet paper?" and that's when I realized how much I truly hated Middle earth. After a few moments of pure panic, I reached for some leaves that looked pretty sturdy and tried to wrap things up quickly. Turns out, not all leaves are as strong as they look. Needless to say it took me more than the necessary time and when I came back to the others they were mad that I had taken so long. They were also laughing, since apparently I had voice my discomfort pretty loudly with many colorful details while I was in the bush.

At least in Rivendell they had a decent and hygienic bathroom looking place and little cloths that served their purpose…

**If you didn't read the note above, please do, it's too long to repeat it. Have a good day or night, depending on where you are :)**


	9. Reason 9

**Windy-san and I are ecstatic with the support and the reviews we have been receiving for this fic. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts and hope we can continue to amuse you further.**

**Windy-san says: "I hadn't expected this story to become so popular and that it's a pleasure to write it."**

**HELP!: I've done everything I could think of to fix the typo in the title of the reason, but for some reason the 'h' won't stay attached to the rest of the sentence. It is a mistake with the net because in Word it stays just fine. Can any of you provide some help to fix this?**

**This cahpter is inspired by a suggestion from Aria Breuer. Thanks Aria!**

9- #thereisnotwitterinMiddleeart h

The days go by in a blur lately. I can't tell yesterday from today, it's like time has fused all the days together and it's just one eternal present. The walking, the battles… it doesn't matter anymore. I'm alone in this big, big world… *sobs* DAAAAMMMMMNNN IIIIITTTT WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!

For the love of God, I need facebook! I need my cellphone, I need internet! Where's a damn router when you need one?! Oh my God, I'm going insane! I hate this place! I miss my microwave and my TV. I wish I had my car with which I would have gladly given these people a ride to Mordor! Everything was so much easier back home, you never truly appreciate the little things when you have them. But, now that I'm in this god forsaken world, it's like I'm dying inside. Last night I lost it and I pretended a rock was my cellphone and started having conversation with myself while I wrote facebook status's on the dirt! With a stick! And then I spent the rest on the night rocking myself back and forth while holding my knees to my chest while muttering "Must find a laptop, must surf the internet, must text, must drive my car, must post on twitter, must see next chapter of Vampire Diaries…" You should have seen the faces of the other guys though, it was actually really funny, but when I came back to my senses I realized that I must've looked pretty damn psychotic.

Back in Rivendell, the elves would scold me, constantly, because I would yell to call someone, or ask for something, or even to yell at Elladan that he left his under garments in my room that one time he sneaked in to do a quick garment change since was late (like always) for an important meeting. But, what do they want me to do? There are no cells here, I can't text or call people about it. Do they expect me to come over to every single elf when I need to tell them something? This isn't the 90's anymore, people don't walk anywhere anymore just to talk to someone *rolls eyes* duh.

Thanks again for all who are reading this fic. We do not post on the weekends since everyone is normally out doing stuff, or that is what I've figured since I really rarely go out and I've seen the statistics in the fanfiction net go low on Saturdays and Sundays.


	10. Reason 10

**Hello to all. Well, this will be a bit longer than the normal chapters, and I think quite funny.**

**This idea was inspired by vanecool and AA - MamaBirdCat**

**10- That time of the month**

After I received Lord Elrond's news about my forced joining to the Fellowship, I was a wreck. My body became a mess; I could not keep food down, I had major mood swings and my period went out of balance. So the time came and we left Rivendell, but I had not given thought to having my period again. I don't know why, maybe it's because I was trying to keep in mind that perfect picture that fangirls have about joining the Fellowship. So we were at the start of our second week since we left and I was walking beside the hobbits in the back and got tired of hearing their constant chatter so I decided to move closer to the frontline. I was passing by Aragorn and Legolas when I hear Legolas' musical voice whispering at Aragorn in elvish. I heard Aragorn chuckle and a few seconds later I felt Aragorn's strong hand on my shoulder. I slowed my pace but didn't stop. At that moment, Aragorn bent to whisper into my ear and said "You might wish to take care of that big, red stain on you lower posterior." It took me a moment to realize what he meant. Suddenly the truth hit me like a giant iron hammer. I stopped abruptly and was rooted to the floor. It was as if though I'd become a statue. Aragorn chuckled and continued to walk ahead of me. I saw Legolas pass by me and heard him laugh.

Behind me were the hobbits. They passed by me and it was Pippin who made the comment: "Hey Alexandra, you have a huge red stain on your rear end." the hobbit was about to continue on his merry way when he stopped abruptly and looked at me, his cute blue eyes wide with concern. He looked at me and said: "I smell blood. Are you wounded Alexandra? Gandalf, Gandalf, Alexandra is wounded! She is bleeding from her posterior!" at that moment I snapped out of my stunned state and was about to ask Pippin to shut up, but the damage was done. The entire Fellowship had stopped walking and were staring at me now. Aragorn was biting his lower trying to hold his laughter, and Legolas simply smirked at my misery. At that moment my whole world went downhill. I just wanted a meteor to fall on me.

After that, well, you can imagine my pain. After that it was six days of using little pieces of cloth as Pads and using my canteen water to wash myself. Oh, and let's not forget the absence of pain killer pills added to the mood swings and stomach turns. And something I didn't know or even thought possible is that, since it is blood, it tends to attract dangerous animals, so the Fellowship left in the rear for six days, since one night a wolf came into the encampment sniffing for my blood, and another time a small fox actually sneaked up on me and bit my butt!

Now, this was all really one big pain in the butt, literally. Both Aragorn and Legolas are healers, but Aragorn is the besy, plus the elf would rather chop his own hand off before treting my wounded posterior, so it was up to Aragorn tosee about that bite on my butt. I can honestly say that having everyone realize that I was on my period thanks to Pippin, plus adding to have Aragorn tend a bite wound on my butt cheek, made that the worst day of my existence. Aragorn was a complete gentleman and a professional when he tended to me, but the memebers of the Fellowship were not at all happy that we had to stop for a few minutes so that Aragorn could tend to me. Seriously, the lack of compassion these people have for me!

At least some good things came out of this whole ordeal, Aragorn gave me some herbs to help with he pain, and I got a foc scarf for winter. Poor little fox, it didn't expect the violence a woman in her period is capable of. All I can say is that it died quickly, before it even had the chance to see the knife that sliced its throat.

**Can't talk now. Have a test and three other things to finish for tomorrow.**

**My friend, who is in her period right now, says: "Right now in modern civilization this hurts like a bitch (being in her period) I would not tolerate this if I was in the Fellowship no matter how much the sexiness of Legolas would sooth me, I would kill him if it meant the pain would go away. Probably many fans will seek me out to kill me, but… Prussia is best." (She's a Hetalia fangirl)**

**And this was just a random conversation that was happening just now so we decided to put it just for the heck of it. **


	11. Reason 11

**Well things are getting crazier in this fic. Not particulary in this one, but soon you will start to see OOC characteristics, so remember it was foretold, since for now we've kept in the basic most normal reasons, but soon things will start to change. This is a PARODY. I say it like this so that everyone will know to expect parody traits.**

**Some details were added at the end of the previous chapter by petition of a few of you so you might want to see it.**

**11- I hate the cold!**

We left Imladris in the middle of bloody winter, the cold was so intense it would bite at your skin day and night, and the pathetic excuse for a blanket is little to no help at nights. I think passing over Caradhras was one of the worst moments of my life. They don't call it Cradhras the Cruel for nothing! I personally _don't _like the cold, at all, I hate it! Caradhras is the cold version of hell. For two days we spent hours freezing our asses! Needless to say I was in a foul mood during that time. Merry and Pippin wanted to lighten the mood by playing with snowballs. As we ascended thru the mountain and one of Merry's snowballs hit me on the back of the head. I turned around and I knew the hobbit could see the very fires of hell in my eyes. The poor hobbit stared at me in terror for about three seconds before darting away. I could feel my blood boiling as I started to run after the terrified hobbit. I picked up snow as I ran, made the biggest snowball I could and threw it at Merry with so much strength that I knocked him out for a few minutes. No one was aware of what had happened since we were on the back of the group so I took this chance to call Aragorn and excuse myself saying that I got a bit carried away in the game and threw the snowball a bit too hard. Since none of them had seen what had really happened and I had given Pippin a look that said" You're a dead hobbit if you tell a single soul about it," I was spared the scolding.

Later on we reached the part where more than half my body was buried under the snow. It didn't help at all that I was not as tall as the rest of the men in the group, and no one was willing to carry me like they were carrying the hobbits. I had asked Legolas to carry me since he was not carrying anyone else but he just smirked and continued walking, leaving me behind with snow almost reaching my neck. I blushed madly but the second I got the chance to use the sheet of my sword to trip Legolas, I did, and the elf came tumbling down into the snow. I was actually very proud of myself for actually making an elf fall face first into the snow. Yet to my surprise, he didn't glare at me as I had thought he would. He simply smiled and chuckled before getting up and continuing. I was dumbstruck to say the least but apparently the elf found it amusing that I, a mere human girl, could manage such an act, or maybe he was just in a very good mood. As a reward, a few hours later the elf offered to carry me on his back. Maybe it was because he was warming up to me, or maybe it was because I was pitifully crying my soul out in despair when I could not take it any longer. I think the last one is the most probable, but either way, the elf came and offered me his help. I was shocked out of my freezing ass, but I was not going to question him. And that is the story of the time I got to ride Legolas! And I know what you fangirls are thinking, but no…I wish… I _really_ wish… but no. *sigh*

**My mind is in time out, my brain cells burnt because of horrible exams and other works, so I really just can't think of anything to say, so good night, or good day, depending on where you are now :)**


	12. Reason 12

**Sorry, my brain hurts, literally, because of the endless strain it has been going through since last weekend, so I really can't think of anything else to say besides thanks to all of you who are reading and those who are reviewing. For all of you who I cannot reply because you are not in an active account when you review, thanks a ton :)**

**12- They don't have any sense of humor**

They should call Middle earth "The land of the dull people." All that your jokes will ever earn you is a good old beating, scowling, glaring and the occasional total rejection. These men have as about as much sense of humor as a rock. Oh wait, I'm sorry, a rock has way more sense of humor than them! I learned that this journey would be a very dull one when I first met the members of the Fellowship in person. Nothing I said would get them to even crack a smile! For instance, try telling a dirty joke. You guys should have seen their faces. They looked at me as if I had grown an extra head and head and a tail. Then Lord Elrond dragged me by the ear like a child and gave me an all-time scowling. He even had the nerve to ground me, ground me! On Middle earth! How does somebody ground someone in Middle earth?! I was stuck cleaning horse dung for weeks! Jesus, these people need to lighten up! No wonder they're so grumpy all the time!

And there was also the time when I was still in Imladris and I was bored so I decided to play spitball. That day I learned a very important lesson: NEVER play spitball with an elf, they will seriously try to murder you. I think it has something to do about elves not wanting their perfect hair being tangled with little balls of paper and saliva. I had to run like hell from Erestor who came after me after I interrupted one of his classes by spitballing right into his open mouth. I admit that was gross, but it was awesome to see the elf choke for a second, but the look he gave me was one full of blood lust. I darted out of the classroom, followed by the hysterical laughter of young elves and by an infuriated Erestor. Though one good thing came out of this, the elves that were in Erestor's class befriended me after that.

**Has any of you tried to read Hamlet in one day because your professor decided that he/she would tell you that he/she wanted to receive an email with an outline with specific quotes and page and line numbers? Because right now I am about to murder someone because of this!**

**Have a happy life!**


	13. Reason 13

**Sorry for the late update. I am desperately tired and sleepy and totally forgot about it. Plus Windy-san and I were doing toning exercises with a friend who takes Judo, so we are in pain, plus I got body slammed when she was teaching me a key, no lie, I've never been body slammed and I don't want to be ever again.**

**13- Gimli and Legolas won't stop bickering! **

From the very moment we set foot outside of Rivendell, those two were at it. Seriously, and they say_ I _am foulmouthed, you should listen to those two, I actually learned a few words for later. Some nights I would wake up to the lovely sound of Gimli yelling in Khuzdul at Legolas and said elf replying in Sindarin. And even though neither of them could understand each other, they just kept at it, sometimes till dawn. One particularly loud night, I'd finally had just about enough of this and threw my boot at both to them, hitting Gimli's head hard enough to make it hurt. I tried to aim the other boot at Legolas but, ever the perfect elf, he dodged it gracefully and even had the nerve to smirk at me. I was so angry that I began to throw everything I found around me, including some stuff that wasn't mine, but I didn't land a single one on him. I did, however, managed to hit Gimli a couple times since Legolas purposely stood in front of him. He laughed as if it was like a child's game to him. What _did_ happen though was that Legolas was so distracted dodging me that he didn't notice dwarf charging at him from behind and fell disgracefully to the ground in the heaping mess of random objects. It was my turn to laugh now, sadly I didn't get to enjoy it much since all the others woke up and, needless to say, weren't so happy to see some of their undergarments on the floor.

**Farewell and please pray for us to feel better soon, because we feel like two old ladies with back problems. Stairs make us cry right now…**


	14. Reason 14

**First of all we want to thank you all who have stuck with this story, it is quite fun to see how you guys react to this Comedy. Today's chapter is a quite short compared to the last few, but in truth we think that in that short paragraph Alex expressed herself quite well. **

**Enjoy! **

**14- Legolas makes me feel less of a woman, he's too pretty**

Perfect long blond hair, sparkling blue eyes, smooth and flawless ivory skin, tall, lean frame, long arms and legs, delicate looking hands, musical voice, perfect posture, graceful manners and a dashing smile. I'm describing the perfect girl aren't I? Well no, I am talking about the one and only Legolas, you know, the ones the fan girls go gaga for. You'd think I'd feel better having such a beautiful man in the group, but no. I feel **ugly** besides him, he's too pretty! How does a man make me feel less of a woman? Is that even possible? I mean, come on, beside him I look like a rag doll that has been run over by a pack of Mûmakils! Let me tell you fan girls something, he may look pretty, but his personality sucks! He is an uptight, egocentric, know-it-all, rude, tree hugging beautiful, beautiful, BEAUTIFUL, heck, GORGEOUS elf. Dam it why must he be so pretty?! I cannot believe I spent weeks feeling conscious about myself and secretly trying to be at the same level of beauty of a male!

**Yes! Weekend! Time to sleep until the bed itself kicks me out! Have a wonderful weekend all!**


	15. Reason 15

**This is not particularly a reason not to join the Fellowship, but it did come to mind and it really was a creepy scene that I still cannot see when watching the movie, but we decided to go for it because it sounded funny… and he really is freaky.**

**15- Frankly, Bilbo Baggins freaks me out**

One time, in those rare peaceful days we had, I was having some random conversations with the hobbits, which isn't so easy since we don't really have that much in common. But we were trying to bond in these times of hardships, which proved to be useful, if you remember that time when Gandalf knocked me out when I lost my sanity and was trying to abandon me I the middle of the planes. In the middle of said conversation, Frodo asked me all of a sudden if I had met his uncle Bilbo Baggins. This trigged a memory I had wanted to forget…

*flashback*

This actually happened before we left Rivendell. I was walking down the halls one day when I suddenly encountered Frodo talking to Bilbo, which is normal, but as I was about to continue walking I saw how Bilbo's face suddenly turned into this hideous, devil looking thing as he growled at Frodo, reaching for the ring. I was scared shitless and didn't sleep that night, especially since their room was next to mine. After finding myself unable to sleep, I decided it was a good idea to have a little stroll around the house. And this is something that not everybody knows but, Bilbo is a sleepwalker. He came up to me and asked me for his ring. For a moment there I was rooted to the floor and that was when he got violent and charged at me while demanding that I gave him back the ring. I ran away screaming down the halls waking every living elf, hobbit, dwarf and human along the way. Who knew elves could be so moody and vulgar? They would open their doors and yell at me to shut up (while adding a few curses in elven that I would later recognize thanks to Legolas and Gimli's bickering) yet none of them had the decency to come help the poor human girl being chased by the devil-hobbit. Damn that little old hobbit, he would not give up, and for his age, he was darn fast. He chased me all the way out of the Last Homely House and into the woods. The next morning I came back looking like a hermit with twigs and leaves in my hair and my nightgown torn by branches, and the elves who had seen me that night run out just looked at me and laughed! Needless to say, I don't really like Rivendell.

**Can you look him straight in the face when you see that freaky scene, because honestly I really can't! Please tell me! I simply look away just before it comes.**


	16. Reason 16

**Well here is one reason I totally think is enough for me not to ever join the Fellowship. Enjoy!**

**16- I hate the fact that you always end up covered in orc's blood **

The very thought of it makes me shudder. My first fight was in Moria with the orcs and the Cave troll. Like I said before, I was forced to learn to defend myself, and I did managed to learn a few things from Aragorn who took pity on me when he saw how desperate I was. He got me the lightest sword he could find and taught me the basics. Now, going back to orc's blood, I was in Moria waiting for the orcs to enter the tomb. I was shaking like gelatin under an earthquake as I waited for the first orc to approach me. When it did, I actually managed to kill it before it could even lift it's sword at me. I think the terror I was feeling made me move my arms with superhuman speed. I was really proud of myself for my first victory, until I looked down at myself. My whole body was plastered with dark, oozy, smelly blood. The disgust I was feeling at that moment took my mind off the battle until I heard Aragorn shouting something at me about an orc behind me. I turned and swung my sword at the same time so I ended up slicing the orc, but his blood splattered all over me. I don't get it! I look around me and all of the others may be a bit stained with blood, but I am soaked in the disgusting black liquid! After that an orc grabbed me by the skirt, remember that one? And he dragged me around all the filthy corpses, so he literally mopped the blood soaked floors with me. After that none of the member would come within five meters from me. I was 95% covered in stinky, black blood. Do you know how hard it is to wash orc's blood off? And don't even get me started on getting rid of the stench! I had to scrub my clothes against the rocks so hard that I ended up getting blisters on my fingers. Only after I spent two hours killing myself trying to get the stains off did Aragorn tell me that he had a tonic to get the stains and smell off quickly. Needless to say, I gave Aragorn the silent treatment for two days. I know it was not his fault, but wasn't obvious that the girl from another World had no knowledge of these things?!

**Ah, well… I've got nothing…**


	17. Reason 17

**Sorry I haven't replied to any of you yet, I was very burdened with homework and tonight will be the same. But I will happily reply to you tomorrow or when I have the time.**

**This idea was inspired by Ghost.**

**17- Eek! There's a snake in my boot!**

Snakes, bugs, mice, lizards, every type of horrible creepy crawlers you can imagine will appear on you at nights, crawl on you, poop on you, bite you, scratch you, sometimes even poison you and make you need to ask Aragorn to check on a nasty lump that makes it look like you have a third butt cheek. As if I didn't hate Middle earth enough, I find myself constantly being harassed by Mother Nature. They have spiders here the size of your head, and I'm not even talking about the giant spiders of Mirkwood which I've been told can swallow a person whole three times my size. Thankfully we never got too close to the dark forest. I wish I had a gigantic can of bug repellent, but I would probably be harassed by the elf, claiming that it is harmful to nature! *Tch* That freaking tree hugger!

One time when we were getting up early to continue on our journey, I was putting on my boots when I felt something cold and smooth wiggling inside my boot. I was still for a few seconds, trying to process this strange feeling, and when I finally had the courage to look inside the boot, I saw two tiny glittering eyes staring right at me. Let's just say I think I woke up half the forest with my screeching. After a few long minutes of chasing me around the forest, trying to calm me down so I wouldn't pinpoint our location to the enemy, Boromir finally caught me in a death grip and put his hand over my mouth to shut me up. A few good few seconds of hyperventilating later, Legolas brought over the little fella that was inside my boot: a harmless milk snake. I started screaming again when I saw it, but thankfully Borimir was there to sooth me again; he even scolded Legolas for bringing the snake over! That day, Boromir was my hero… and the go-to-guy whenever I needed help dealing with any kind of creature here in this godforsaken forest.

**Windy-san: I know I would react exactly the same way as Alex did. I hate absolutely hate bugs and all those other creepy forest critters… except for butterflies, those are cute. I wouldn't last five minutes in Middle earth. **


	18. Reason 18

**Hello there, this idea was inspired by InterestedRandom. I must say we chuckled a lot while we wrote it, because it is so immensely true. I too would react like Alex had I been so close to such a hunk** **Well enjoy!**

**18- The allure of being around a gorgeous suspiciously-Orlando-Bloom-Lookalike. **

The title says it all! Being around a gorgeous suspiciously-Orlando-Bloom-Lookalike all day for days makes a woman weak in the knees. And night time its even worst. You see him there, lying on the ground, so defenseless while his beautiful lean body glows under the moonlight… I get poetic sometimes, I should write a book. Sometimes your mind starts having all of these weird fantasies with Orlando-Bloom-Looking-Legolas, (only a hundred times hotter than what he already is) and suddenly you find yourself having crawled all the way to said elf, arms stretched out ready to just rip off his clothes, only to receive a menacing glare from a very angry elf. After that you find yourself ten miles away from the elf within a second. You would be surprised at how terrifying Legolas' glares can be. But who could blame me? He's the prettiest of the bunch by far. Who wouldn't want to crawl up to him in the middle of the night to rip his clothes off? A girl has needs too! Especially when you are a single woman and you are surrounded by men all day and night for weeks on end.

I understand why Legolas fans get so crazy about the elf, and believe me, seeing him, the _real_ him, is a billion times better than seeing him in the movies.

One time I was so deep in thought about the fact that he really is an Orlando-look-alike that I didn't actually realized that my hand was reaching for his hair to see if it was a wig or not. Thing is, I think I yanked it a little bit too hard; so hard that the elf lost his balance completely and landed on the floor, right on his beautiful buttocks. I was in such a state of shock that I really couldn't even move a muscle as he slowly turned his head back to give me the scariest, most gorgeous menacing looking glare that I had ever seen in my entire life. This only meant one thing: RUN! Run like the wind! Run like hell! Run like you've never ran before in your life, or possibly ever will! Turns out, all that walking and running in Middle earth paid off. I was able to evade his arrows, something that I thought wasn't even possible, but the fear of actually being hit was more powerful than even that. I don't know how I'm even alive to this day. Since then he's always been a little bit more cautious of me, but I have the upper hand, I know have quite a large lock of Legolas' hair. *triumphant smirk* buahahahaha!

**What do you think? Would you have done the same? **


	19. Reason19

**WARNING! This chapter contains major OOC traits, so read the title and if you think you can't stand it, then please don't read. I think this is a fair warning. The key words here are PARODY and HUMOR, so things are bent.**

**I am updating earlier than usual since I have to go out and won't be back 'till very late, so I won't be able to reply to reviews today, but tomorrow I'll definitely do it :)**

**19- Gimli won't stop trying to look under my skirt**

I would have never expected this from Gimli. Maybe from Boromir or even Merry or Pippin, especially Pippin, you will soon know why. It began when on day he "accidentally" tripped and just so happened to land right between my legs. The first time I thought nothing of it, but after it happed three times within two days I began to get suspicious. One time when I was on the edge of a small slope, I bent over to pick up some wood for the fire, and suddenly, I felt someone's eyes on me, and when I looked over my shoulder, guess who was taking a good peek under my skirt? Yup, Gimli the dwarf. I was fuming! I was so angry that I started to throw all the wood I had gathered, with surprisingly good aim, while cursing like a sailor. I probably looked like a psychopath running after a dwarf while holding his own axe. After that, he never dared to take a peek again. Serves him right. Although, I sort of understand why he did it. I mean, they are men who travel together with no women around, and, not to blow my own horn, but I am very pretty. *sigh* Oh, the burden of being a beautiful woman is so harsh!

**Sorry, busy getting ready, got to go. Have a good weekend!**


	20. Reason 20

**Hello again. I hope you all had a great weekend. For this chapter I wanted to clear up first, just in case, that we have nothing against Frodo and Sam. Just in case you lovers of hobbits, mainly Sam and Frodo, think we do not like them, or Sam for that matter. I love Sam. He is my hero and if I had to choose someone from the entire Fellowship to say "He deserves the main prize" it would definitely be him.**

**20- If I hear Sam say "**_**Mister**_** Frodo" one more time…**

Do you know how many times he says this throughout the day?! It's like a broken record I tell you! Why can't he just call him Frodo like the rest of us? You don't see us calling each other _Mister_ Gandalf or _Mister_ Aragorn or Miss Alexandra. "Mister Frodo would you like some sausages? Mister Frodo may I carry that for you? Mister Frodo are you comfortable enough or would you like my blanket as well? Mister Frodo can I rub your smelly feet? Mister Frodo can I steal your underwear and use it as a good luck charm? Mister Frodo can I lick your feet, for they are tastier than any feast of Kings?!

Damn that annoying, overly attached hobbit! It's like hearing a bad song in the radio time after time! My ears are bleeding! Honestly, I already hated hearing him say this while watching the movies, but now that I am constantly hearing it over, and over, and over again it's giving me a freaking migraine! And they don't have any drugs for that here. What am I supposed to do, bang my head against a tree?! (believe me, it doesn't work…I've already tried) The others don't really seem to be bothered by this, but I cannot seem to get used to it. If I hear Sam say "**Mister **Frodo" one more time, I swear I will take a dagger, slice him up at night and blame it on Gimli! Why Gimli you ask? Easy, he's the one with the anger management problems, plus I've never really shown my annoyance of the hobbit's behavior, so it shouldn't be that hard to convince them that I am innocent.

**We wanted to write something about Aragorn. We already have one written and it's coming soon, but we don't really have many ideas for Aragorn since he is so noble and practically flawless! Any ideas for Aragorn are welcomed! Remember, you can be creative ;)**


	21. Reason 21

**Reason number 21! Yay! Windy-san here =w=/ (I have taken over She elf's place for this chapter! Bwahaha!) Firstly, this reason was one of the first few we wrote, but we decided to put it now ^^ personally, it's one of my favorites since I'm all for comedy and making people uncomfortable (especially fictional characters, so much fun to tease** **XD) Anowhooselles! Have fun reading and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it with She Elf! Byebye**

**21- One does not simply shut Boromir up!**

Seriously, that man does not shut up! He's getting on my last nerves! First it was him complaining about not destroying the Ring and using it, then he began to complain because he didn't want me in the Fellowship. (which I completely agreed with) That was all in Rivendell, and ever since we set foot outside the Valley, the man has not closed his mouth unless he's asleep, and even then he will talk! I once slammed my backpack on him when his nighttime rambling was not letting me sleep. Anyways, as I was saying, he complains about virtually everything. He complains because he thinks that the best path is to go to his city, he complains because he still believes the rings should not be destroyed, he complains because a woman in the group will only slow them down. Remind me again how does my being a female suddenly makes the legs of the rest of the members of the fellowship walk slower! He also continues to try to persuade Frodo to let him use the Ring.

I know that deep, deep, like hell deep inside, the man is just worried for his people, but he's getting on the nerves of every member of the fellowship.

Even if one does not simply shut Boromir up, there are a few tricks I learned from the few elves I befriended in Inmadris. For example: I learned of a few herbs you can use to make the tongue swollen, so I spiked his water with a few. It worked for that day, but Legolas just _had_ to know the remedy. Blasted elf! So that was it for plan A. Plan B was trying to persuade Gandalf to use a spell or something to seal his mouth. The wizard looked tempted, but the big wussy decided to just bear with it. So one day when he was especially loud, I finally snapped and did the only thing a woman can do to shut a man up: I flashed him my twins.

Turns out, that was the perfect solution! The man could not even look at me in the eye for the next few days and he avoided me like the plague, and I didn't even need to show him that much since anything under three inches beneath the neck is like porn to these men. These are the moments when I'm glad I'm a woman.

**(Laughing her butt off) *sigh* I love writing this =^w^= ** **I have my mind set on watching the LOTR trilogy now, maybe I'll get some new ideas. Thank you so much for liking this and commenting, you have no idea how happy I am that you guys like it and have fun reading it ^^ Hugs and Kisses!**

**-Windy-san out!**


	22. Reason 22

**Hello to all! It's been a while, hope to make up for that with funny reasons. Once again I shall remark that this is a Parody and Humor fic, just saying. **

**22- Aragorn won't stop crying over Arwen (he's such a wuss)**

Normally, Aragorn is such a composed and serious man. A man full of honor and righteousness. A man who knows his duties and will fight for honor, justice and the wellbeing of his men. A man full of compassion and knowledge. A man who cries like a mother-effing baby every time he thinks of Arwen.

You'd think he'd be a little more composed about it seeing as how he _is_ Aragorn, but man was I surprised! I mean, I get it since their love was sort of impossible from the start and they had to get through many trials to get where they are today, and now he thinks they will never see each other again. It was sort of funny to see Aragorn go through different stages of depression. At first, he wasn't that bad. He would just stare longingly into the distance, deep in thought. Then he would randomly talk about things that resembled Arwen's hair, or Arwen's eyes, or her hands, one time he even said that a pair of leaves resembled Arwen's ears. Okay so maybe they did look like her ears, then again, all elves have leaf shaped ears! Then came the crying. He would do it secretly at night when he thought that everybody was sleeping, though it was impossible to hide the tear marks, the big, red sniveling nose and the puffy eyes in the morning. But then his sobbing started to get louder and it made it difficult to sleep. The first time I felt pity, the second time I still felt pity, but started to get a little bit annoyed, but by the third night of not being able to sleep thanks to his constant wailing, it was just plain annoying and infuriating! I mean geez! You're Aragorn, be a man about it! Have a little dignity! Maybe I didn't feel as much pity as I would have, had I not known from the start that they would end up together in the end, but I felt tempted to just to get him to stop and let us sleep!

**Hope you enjoyed it! I'm sorry I can't think of anything else to say. Normally I have something, but for some reason neither Windy-san nor I can come up with anything.**


	23. Reason 23

**NOTE!**

**Well, to be honest, this chapter has a silly background since I was studying and it was late and my head ached. I was dead tired and I really had not much mind to know what I was doing. I suddenly stopped studying and began to write this chapter, but I was not very aware of what I was writing. After I finished, I closed the laptop and went to sleep. The next day I read it and didn't like it, but decided to show it to Windy, telling her that I didn't want this to be posted since I didn't really like it, but she thought it was funny, so here is the chapter. Hope you enjoy it.**

**23- If it's not constant snoring, it's constant singing, or both!**

When you are waking up before the sun has the chance to shine every day and spend endless hours dragging your feet over uneven terrains, hills and other sceneries, the only thing that can keep you sane is the thought of a nice sleep at night. Unfortunately, that is not so easy to get in this group. I told you about the bickering from the elf and dwarf, but that is not all they do that keeps me awake at night. For example: when it was time for Legolas to take the night watch, he would spend most of it singing. He does have a very nice voice, but I am a _very_ light sleeper, so any type of noise easily wakes me up, even when I am dead tired. At first I tried to ignore him, but the sound made it hard for me to gain some sleep, which made me more irritable than what I already was. At the same time, Gimli's snores were the stuff of horror. An airplane motor is less noisy than him! I have no clue as to how the rest of the members of the Fellowship are able to sleep through this! The thing is, one night I snapped. The elf was singing and the dwarf was snoring and I could not take another night of this. I don't know what possessed me, but I bolted to my feet, charged at the dwarf, took his backpack and shoved it on his face to muffle his snores. The dude sleeps like a log so he didn't really do more than get up half asleep and mumble incoherently. After that I turned around and, pointing at the elf, yelled with murderous eyes:

"Will you shut the bloody crap up?! Some of us are trying to get some sleep!" I almost regretted it immediately when a flash of hurt crossed the elf's eyes. I was just about to apologize, when he narrowed his eyes and angrily replied:

"I will not be spoken to by a bratty child!"

And that's when I _really _snapped. After that, there was a very loud discussion between the elf and I. not much could be deciphered between the lines of:

"I am no child you bast…"

"… such an immature gir…"

" …am a twenty year old woman and you…"

"Of all the women in Arda why…"

"… rather an orc kill me now…"

"… rather slice my own neck than…"

"… stupid princeling…"

"… most disrespectful…"

"…girly, goldilocks…"

"What did you call me?!"

"You heard me!"

"How dare you…"

"…stupidest, most annoying, narcissistic…"

"…brat!"

We were getting dangerously close to each other, though it was actually only dangerous to me since I am no match for the thousand year old warrior, but just as Legolas had reached for the hilt of his dagger to threaten me, Galdalf awoke.

"What in the name of Elbereth is going on here?!"

At that moment, Legolas and I fell silent at the sight of the infuriated wizard. I could have sworn his eyes were glowing fiery red at that moment. After a match between Legolas and I of "He said, she said" to tell the Wizard what had happened, we ended up nowhere except being forced to shake hands and promise to get along even if it meant it would kill us.

Needless to say, neither of us was willing to shake hands, and when we did, Legolas took advantage of his superior strength to give my hand a painful squeeze, but I was not going to just take it, so I dug my nails to the point where I drew blood. I knew that it would be completely healed probably in less than an hour while my hand would hurt for a day or two, but for all it was worth it. This was the last time we had an argument like this, and Legolas did his best to keep from singing or to at least tone it down as much as possible.

Through all of this, the stupid dwarf slept like a Sleeping Beauty, or more like a Sleeping Ugly.

**This, I think, is the longest chapter we have so far. I suppose that we have picked on Legolas more than on any other character, but the elf is the easiest to pick on hahaha, plus it's quite funny to get him and Alex in the worst of situations, like when she pulled his hair and ripped some off XD**


	24. Reason 24

**And here it is! Another Aragorn reason! It was suggested in many ways by several of you in the reviews. I hope you like what we did with it!**

**IMPORTANT! Windy-san and I are writing a specific reason, and I had wanted to go with the flow of the story and allow Boromir's death, but Windy-san is very attached to the man and wants to make it otherwise, in a funny way of course. So we decided that for the next few days you will vote for his life or death, since we don't know if you will like that we alter the story that way, although Alex's presence is an alteration in itself. Still, you get to decide by leaving a comment in the review box beneath!**

**24- Aragorn's nobility**

First the elf makes me feel subconscious about my femininity, now all noble Aragorn makes me feel like a crappy human being in comparison to him! First of all, he's so noble, living and fighting for the ones around him, and when I do something he considers selfish of my part, he gives me these disappointed but _understanding _and _caring _looks that are so full of his kind nature, that it simply twists my insides and fills me with the guilt that not even my mother could pull out of me. Seriously! The man takes the phrase "Kill you with kindness" to a freaking new level! I feel guilty just standing beside him, like everything I do is for the wrong reason, while everything _he_ does is so righteous and full of his nobility.

Second, the way he protects everybody all the time, he's always looking out for them, he's always there for them, always willing to throw himself in the line of fire for his companions, where as I can barely help myself. And while he swings his sword so gracefully, slicing and killing with such ease as if he was in a grand dance, where as I am hacking and screaming half the time, exiting the battle in a blood bath, while he hardly has a few drops on him.

And I know it sounds like I'm just complaining, and I know I'm just complaining, but you don't understand what it's like to travel alongside this noble King, while half the time feeling like you're the lowest, sickening, most selfish creature of the world. But he would never say these things to me, oh no. Every time I try to blame myself for things that have gone wrong and _are _my fault, he tries to make me feel better by saying things like "You just need time to adjust", "You have improved since this journey began", "I have faith that you can do this", "They don't hate you, they just don't like you that much. They'll get used to you." And then he would give me either his mischievous grin or his tender smile, whichever fit the occasion better, but that would just end up making me feel worse than before!

**Just in case you didn't read the note above, but if you did, then you can skip this, if not, please read. Windy-san and I are writing a specific reason, and I had wanted to go with the flow of the story and allow Boromir's death, but Windy-san is very attached to the man and wants to make it otherwise, in a funny way of course. So we decided that for the next few days you will vote for his life or death, since we don't know if you will like that we alter the story that way, although Alex's presence is an alteration in itself. Still, you get to decide by leaving a comment in the review box beneath!**


	25. Reason 25

**This reason was inspired by a few of you. Some said lack of maps, gps and other ways to guide you. Also one said getting lost, so we put them all together in this one reason. Have fun!**

**25- I could really use a GPS or Google Maps right now!**

One particular evening, after we had set up camp, I found myself feeling sick. You know? Those times when your stomach starts making weird growling noises and you feel you insights twisting painfully, and you know nothing good will come from this. So at one point, when I could no longer bear with it, I darted into the forest. I didn't want anyone catching a sniff at what my stomach had wrought, so I decided to go as deep into the forest as I could. I spent a good hour or so kneeling close to a tree, pretty much dying of pain, and cursing once more the lack of toilet paper. So, after that nightmare was over, I tidied up as best as I could, and left to return back to camp.

Well, that _was_ the idea.

"Where the hell am I?!" I screamed, as my voice echoed through the forest.

It was already dark, and all the little animal noises were _really_ starting to get on my nerves. I could swear I could hear footsteps following me. The forest is a scary, scary place. I tried desperately to remember what Aragorn had taught me, about using the stars to pinpoint my location and lead myself back to camp. So I climbed a tree, since the canopy would not let me see the sky, looked up, and, fuck! They're all the freaking same! They're just a bunch of bright dots on the sky! And it's not even like looking at a starlight sky on Earth, no, here there are possibly a trillion more stars on the sky. How can you find just one little star between a trillion?! And that's not even the worse part; how the hell I am supposed to get down from this tree?!

It was morning when they finally found me, up in the tree, still crying my eyes out, which was really embarrassing for me. Apparently Aragorn and Boromir got worried for me and decided to go find me. Gee, thanks for the concern guys. Though it would have been nice if you would have worried about me eight hours ago! Not after I spent enough time in the forest to get eaten by wild animals or bitten by poisonous bugs and snakes!

I really wish I could get my hands on a GPS or on Google maps right now…

**Apparently Boromir's death is winning...**


	26. Reason 26

**Sorry about last Friday's update. I was very busy and I completely forgot about it. This week will be a bit shaky since I have 4 tests, some presentations, need to read Othello, write several essays, and Windy-san too is very busy, especially with some Mandarin activities, so we might skip and update or two this week. We'll try our best to stay on time.**

**I know one of you suggested this chapter, mainly the 'Merry and Pippin giggling behind a tree' but I could not find which of you did it, so for the record, thanks to the one who suggested this! :)**

**Don't miss tomorrow's update. It will be epic!**

**26- The hobbits tend to be a little too friendly with each other for my taste.**

So yeah, I know hobbits are as about as close as you can get to innocence and purity, but sometimes too much innocence becomes a bit… confusing. For example, I was once trying to pick berries for dinner when I hear giggling behind a tree. I am really confused since I cannot really register the owners of such childlike giggles, so I venture to the tree. The sight that met my eyes was that of Merry and Pippin on the floor, Merry pinning Pippin down and tickling him. Then Pippin manages to shove his cousin off and tries to run, but Merry catches him in his arms and pulls him against his chest and bites his ear. My hand flew to my moth at this sight. Then Pippin manages to once again get free of his cousin's hold, but just as he runs off, Merry tumbles behind him and they both fall, rolling down a small slope. At the bottom they both pant for a moment before Pippin props himself on his elbows and bents to kiss his cousin on the forehead. It was a dang long kiss, and Merry kept his eyes close through it! Then at the end they both said "I love you" to each other and Pippin rested his head on Merry's shoulders and slept a while. Tell me that does not give the wrong impression! I mean, I know that brotherly love is expressed to damn high levels in this world, but man! It's ridiculous! It looked like some really cheesy romantic movie!

Another incident was one cold night. I was set for watch duty and Aragorn came to wake me up for my turn. Grudgingly I made my way to the little rock where I would be sitting for the next two hours. I was bored so I allowed my eyes to roam the campsite. I stopped at the peculiar sight of Frodo snuggled closely with Sam under the same blanket. If one of them had been female then it would have been a cute sight, but seeing two men, hugging one another in their sleep, their bodies impossibly close to one another, Frodo's face buried in Sam's neck… need I say more? The camp could have been invaded by a horde of orcs that night and I would not have noticed until one ran me through with a blade, because my eyes were glued to the two male hobbits sleeping together. I could not process the idea without getting the wrong impression! And I am sure many of you would have the same problem as me, especially when in the middle of his sleep, Frodo muttered "Oh Sam" and snuggled a little bit closer, and Sam responded by holding his "_Mister _Frodo_" closer_.

Another time, I was looking for a good place to do my business, when suddenly I catch a glimpse of Merry and Pippin. Their backs are facing me, but I can see that they are both slightly bent and are touching and pointing at something around the groin area. I frown in closer, and that is when I hear their conversation.

"Yes, but mine is pointing up, and yours is down," says Merry.

"Yeah, but yours is a darker color," Pippin replies.

"Maybe if you rub it a bit more it will stand. And yours seems to be slightly thinner but longer."

"Oh you're right, though yours is quite ticker so that is good too."

"Yeah, I bet they would like that a lot too."

I could not take it anymore. I stormed their way and, keeping a safe distance so that I would not see any… little hobbit parts, I began to scold them.

"What are you two doing?! The nerve of you two running along into the woods to do such perverted things! I should drag you both back and wash your mouths with soap… if I had any!"

The two hobbits looked quite confused as they turned around to face me.

"What are you talking about?" Merry asked me.

"You know well what! Having such dirty discussions. I should tell Aragorn of this."

Both hobbits exchanged looks before they both simultaneously lifted their shirts. At first I almost screamed, thinking they wanted to make me part of their conversation, but then I saw that they were pointing at some hair that was sticking out of their bellybutton. It was gross. Turns out, the hobbits have some competitions back at the Shire where they present their, ugh, bellybutton hair, and they get points for how long, how thick, how straight it stands and other disgusting characteristics. Needless to say, I was both greatly disgusted and greatly embarrassed. Then Merry asked me what I thought their conversation was about, but since I could not bring myself to tell them, I darted in the opposite direction and avoided them for the rest of the day.

**So yeah, long week ahead of us…**

**Windy-san: She elf keeps saying that the updates she writes are no good, when in fact they are some of the best! You be the judge, she wrote this one by herself, so please tell her that she is being an idiot and that she can write well! Windy-san out!**

**This is our longest chapter by a long shot, but we swear, this has to make you laugh at some point.**


	27. Reason 27

**This is our longest chapter by a long shot, but we swear, this has to make you laugh at some point or you have no humor streak in you whatsoever! *Clears throat* Anyways, Windy-san and I were laughing our butts off when we wrote this. Just picturing the scene that is about to unfold here makes me giggle so I hope it makes you giggle too :) This is our most definitely FAVORITE chapter of all times!**

**Sorry for not replying to most of you yesterday. it's been a bit hectic trying to keep up with College, but I thank you all, especially those who said I was or should stop being an idiot for thinking that way. No better moment to be called idiot, right? XD**

**27- Curiosity killed the cat**

Before I tell you why curiosity killed the cat, first I must tell you a little "_incident"_ I had a few nights before, that led to a string of unfortunate events…

It was nightfall when I was making my way around the woods, gathering some plants that Aragorn had taught me were eatable. Suddenly I hear this deep, manly moan, and I felt this ticklish sensation run through me, and for some reason my human instincts took over. Before I knew it, my feet were making their way towards the source of the alluring sound. Slowly and as silently as possible, I made my way towards the edge of the river. I saw movement behind the bushes near the edge, so I crouched down and crawled the rest of the way towards the edge, making sure I was not seen by these figures. And through a narrow gap between some branches, I could clearly see what I thought I would never see here in Middle earth, for it was none other than noble Aragorn giving Boromir what seemed like… a back massage in the river? But not just that, they were both stark naked, their bodies glistering under the moon light, droplets of water glittering on their muscly skin. **Holy moly! **My heart was beating quicker than the wings of a humming bird. I could see now that the moans were coming from Boromir, who seemed to really enjoy the massage he was receiving from Aragorn. My God were those moans doing wonders to me! Who would have thought Boromir had such a sexy voice? I knew that Aragorn is a healer, and that men giving these types of massages to each other was really nothing more than a simple act of brotherly love, but my mind kept going in strange directions. Now I get why the fangirls go gaga about pairing these two.

I was so lost in thought over these two splendidly gorgeous men, that it wasn't until he was literally hovering over me, that I noticed _his_ presence.

"What do you think you are doing?"

His voice was like an ice blizzard that froze my entire body. Slowly I looked up and I felt my soul leave my body at the sight of the coldest, cerulean eyes, staring down at me like I was an insignificant bug that _he_ was about to squash.

"H-h-hi Legolas… what brings you here?"

Big mistake. Without warning he grabbed me by the ear and literally hauled me by it, dragging me back to the camp with a hand over my mouth to avoid my screams of pain that would have alerted the men of our presence. At least he had that decency of saving their dignity… and mine, to a certain point. It took a lot of explaining from my part to let the elf see that it had not been my intention to come across the men in the first place, and even though it took a while, I finally convinced him that it really was an accident. Though that doesn't mean I didn't receive some sort of punishment, like having to do everything he told me to for a week, under the threat that he would tell on me if I didn't.

But I was not that easily discouraged! If there's something I'm proud about myself is that I'm stubborn as a mule. Sure Legolas was an inconvenience, for the next week he didn't let me out of his sight for long, but with time he mellowed down. Ha ha! Never underestimate the patience and will of a woman! I searched for the perfect opportunity to spy on those lovely bodies once more. So one night when Legolas was hunting, I took this opportunity to wait until everybody else left to take a bath on the river and planned it out. I followed Aragorn and Borimir from a distance, but while making sure to stay far from their ear or eye shot, I lost sight of them. So I did the only logical thing and walked straight towards the river, hoping that I would encounter them once more. Now as I was nearing the edge, I heard a splash and making sure, once more, to be very careful, I crouched down and hid behind the bushes. My heart kept thumping against my chest as I was about to see that beautiful scene again. Everything was perfect, the light of the moon, the silence of the forest, the gentle splashing sounds. And finally, as my head peeked through the branches, I saw what could only be describes as the most horrific thing I had ever seen in my entire life… There was a naked man alright, but it was NOT who I had expected. My eyes nearly blew out of their sockets as I saw none other than Gimli the (big, hairy) dwarf. I had to bite down my tongue to avoid screaming in horror. Oh God, so much hair, hair everywhere! It took every ounce of my self control not to jump from the bush and run away, but somehow I managed to slip away and wretch my stomach out.

When I came back to camp, I found Legolas sitting with Aragorn and Boromir. When I see them, I stop dead in my tracks, asking myself what they were doing here when they were supposed to be bathing and Legolas hunting. Said elf was tinkering with one of his arrows, and without looking up, said to me:

"So, had a lovely stroll by the river, Alexandra?"

He raised his face to me, and the biggest, most evil smirk plastered across his face while his eyes shone with knowing malice. I was stunned to my core. Boromir and Aragorn were looking at me with pissed expressions, their arms crossed over their chests. I couldn't believe it, the little son of a b*tch! He tricked me! The sleaze, scheming, devil, son of a half troll! I was so freaking furious (although later on I would admit I sort of deserved it, but that was a very long time after) I stomped away, cursing the most foul profanities I could think of, while imagining murdering him a thousand different ways. I was still crossing the campsite just as Gimli returned. He was completely oblivious to what had happened, so he merrily stopped as I approached him and said:

"Hi lassie, why so flushed?"

"Shut the hell hole up! It's all your fault!"

And after that I ran away crying into the forest, with Legolas' laugh haunting me in the background. Thus the cat learned her lesson, and never, EVER, spied on them again.

**Windy-san and I were laughing our asses off as we wrote this chapter. We can't help but love how bad-ass Legolas is in our story. This is by far our favorite chapter! We hope you enjoyed it as well!**


	28. Reason 28

**We are so sorry for not updating for so long. We are in our last weeks of class so work in literally none stop. We have the next few prepared but the list is long and we still have not had the time to describe each reason yet, but rest assure this week there will be updates.**

**This reason was inspired by Aria Breuer**

**28- Never underestimate a hobbit… ever**

So there are some things you should know about hobbits, and that is that, even though they are very pacific and loving beings, they can be very aggressive if they want to. There are three main things you should never say to a hobbit:

First of all, never call a hobbit defenseless or useless… they'll prove you wrong. Once I was practicing my fencing with Aragorn, and Merry and Pippin were watching me. At the end of the section, I sat down near them and ask them why they didn't practice a way to protect themselves since right now they were so defenseless, and in the way I was saying it, it pretty much sounded as if though I was calling them useless. I noticed Merry didn't take it so well, but I truly meant no harm. I just wanted for them to be prepared. So I turned around and prepared to leave, when suddenly I feel the air being knocked out of me from behind. I fall to the ground, struggling for air when I feel a sharp item pocking my back. I turn my head around to see Merry with his sword on my back. There was a mixture of mischief and seriousness in his eyes. I was dumbstruck as I looked at the hobbit who, seconds ago, I had thought utterly defenseless. After that he sheeted his sword and offered me is hand. I had to apologize to him of course.

Second, never call a hobbit pipsqueak. It happened one time when I was quite tired and neither Pippin nor I noticed that we were walking into each other. I bumped into him and it took me a moment to notice him down there. I was tired and in a bad mood so, instead of apologizing, this came out:

"Watch where you're going you little pipsqueak,"

So that evening I went out to do my business when suddenly I hear a roar behind me. I darted out of the place, though I heard a roar to my other side, so I took off in a different direction. Between roars from one side and another, I didn't notice where I was going until I took a wrong step and fell into a hole that had been covered with leaves. I was buried up to my neck in the ground. I struggled for a moment until I saw Merry and Pippin come out of the bushes with leaf-made megaphones. Turns out, Pippin didn't take the "Little pipsqueak" thing very well, so he and his cousin devised a plan to lure me into this hole. Pippin walked over and, standing over me, said:

"Who is the little pipsqueak now?"

Had my arms not been pinned to my sides within the hole, I would have choked the little devil right there and buried him in this very hole. I was screaming for a few minutes until Boromir found me and helped me out. He then had to literally wrestle with me to keep me from killing the two cousins. He ended up throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me back to the campsite. For three days, the hobbits stayed clear of me. It was clear that they would not do me much harm, but I would definitely wring a neck or two if I got the chance.

Thirdly, don't ever confuse them for children. This was really an honest mistake. I was very thirsty one day and I had run out of water, so I sneaked into Boromir's things and retrieved the first water skin I found. I took a great, big gulp of the contents. Big mistake, it turned out to be some sort of alcohol beverage. I immediately felt the fuming sensation in my head and I knew this spelled trouble, so I put his things back in order and distance myself from the place. Three minutes later, I was singing "Single ladies" from Beyoncé and hitting a major happy note. While dancing my way through the campsite, I saw the hobbits huddled near the fire, and in my intoxication, I went over there and said:

"Heeeeeeey, l-little *hic* chilllldren can't be in the night clubs. You guys ain't even o-old enough to *hic* drink!"

My memory is a little blurry after that. Next thing I know, I'm hanging upside down from a tree, my legs tied to the branch, while screaming my lungs out. After a few good minutes of hanging upside down, my face already red from the blood flowing down, Gandalf found me and brought me down. When we got back to camp, every time the hobbits looked at me they would giggle and mutter things between themselves. I suspect they were behind it, but I'm still not really sure since the alcohol makes my memory all fuzzy…

**Hope you enjoyed this!**


	29. Reason 29

**We don't remember who gave us the idea for this one but it sure came in handy, and it turned put pretty good. I went through the reviews but I really could not find the one who suggested it. Anyways thank you very much for your idea. You know who you are! :)**

**29- ****Stairs. Stairs EVERYWHERE!**

Never in my life had I hated stairs as much as I hate the stairs in Lothlorien. When Haldir led us to see Lady "Ooh I'm so perfect, I can read your minds, I can speak with telepathy, I can see your future, I have stars in my eyes and men fall into the enchantment that is my beauty," Galadriel, (can you tell I really didn't like her?) he took us to the foot of the longest staircase I had ever seen. It was as tall as the New York Empire State building! My legs shook just with the thought of climbing that monster! So we begin our ascend and my lungs began to burn half way up, yet what really had me in tension was the height. I kept mumbling to myself "Don't look down, don't look down, don't look d-" it was then that one of Sam's spoons fell from his bag, and I could hear it tumble down a few stairs, then fall of the edge, tumble a little more and fall of another edge. Ever so slowly, I looked down and saw that we were at least a few hundred feet above the ground. HOLY SHIT! I grabbed the nearest thing to me, which so happened to be Boromir. I had a vice grip on him and there was no freaking way in heaven or hell that I was going to let him go any time soon. Not even the snarky comments from the elves about how improper it was for a _lady_ to grab a man who was not her husband this way. But you know what? I could not care less about what a _lady_ should or shouldn't do right now! So Boromir had to, literally, drag me up the rest of the stairs.

Funny thing is, when it was time to leave, I refused to go down the stairs, and no amount of coaxing with soft words or use of brute force was getting me to descend those devil stairs. I literally bit Aragorn's hand when he tried to pull my arm, and clawed Boromir's neck when he too tried to grab me to pull me down. Throughout the hectic pulling and clawing, I did not see an elf approach me from behind with a small vial and he shovel the thing under my nose. I took only a very tiny sniff, so the effect of the sleeping drug was a much slower than it should have. It had a drunk-ish effect on me, and so I began to act like one those warriors from cliché movies. I drew my sword, ran to stand on the edge of the platform, turned around and yelled:

"You'll never take me alive!" and tried to jump off the edge.

I remember a loud choir of "NO!" from all the elves and the Fellowship, and just as I sprang, I felt a hand tug at my shirt and pull me back with such force that my feet were in the air momentarily. I fell on my back, but I was not giving up. I sprang to my feet and was about to run towards the edge again when about ten sets of hands grabbed me and pulled me down, pinning me to the floor. I was still struggling to get free like the _awesome_ warrior I thought I was, when the same vial was shoved under my nose, and this time it completely knocked me out.

**Windy-san here. I personally HATE really high stairs. They really do scare me, and more than once I had to be forced down while crying. Not a pretty experience so I understand Alex very much.**

**She elf here. I too am terrified of tall stairs. When I go either up or down, I have a vice grip on the railings, and if I look down I get dizzy. Once I had to be caught by a lady because I looked down from a high bridge with no railing and almost fell.**


	30. Reason 30

**WARNING: Reminder. Parody. OOC. Humor. Not serious.**

**30- Pippin developed a crush on me **

I have nothing against hobbits, really, and Pippin is cute and a bit dopey (plus the scottish accent is kind of a turn on) but, I feel like a cradle robber when I'm standing beside him. It's like having a 5 year old crush on me, which is cute but, kind of creepy. At first he was shy about it, especially since everybody hated my guts. But while in Lothlorien, he confessed his feelings for me. I was in complete shock. I tried to be nice about it and explain why we were not compatible, but now he won't leave my side and it got to the point where it feels like I have a stalker. I mean the little dude watches me sleep, that's creepy right? I've woken up at nights to find him staring at me. I've also been noticing that he tries to sneak a peek while I bathe, and he's even stolen hair from my brush (while he thinks I'm not looking.) Once, though, he managed to climb a tree without me noticing and simply watched me bathe. Little did he know I saw his reflection in the water and, in a moment of rage, threw a rock at him which knocked him out of the tree and into the pond. I had to carry an unconscious, bleeding hobbit back to camp, while still wet and covered only in my towel since I was scared I might have actually killed the poor fella.

Poor Pippin, I still regret throwing that rock at him. But I'm afraid I might have turned him into a masochist since he now looks for ways to piss me off and won't leave until I shove or hit him, and then he leaves happily for a little while… Forgive me Pippin fans, I might have created a monster.

**CHOCOLATE!**


	31. Reason 31

**So this is moving a bit outside of the lines of the book and movie and more into the fandom world. For those of you who have not read the books, you can search for Sarn Gebir LOTR and a short description of the place and events.**

**This was inspired by **CabtinAdaHook.

**31- *Dark glare* Mary Sues…**

We were paddling down the Anduin and we were close to Sarn Gebir when we were attacked. I was not really ready for this attack since it did not appear in the movies and I had never read the books. So as I was saying, we were attacked and a rain of arrows came towards us. It was terrifying. But then out of the blue, this bright, golden light appeared in the sky and from there it emerged. She had long, wavy red hair that was like the finest of silk, her eyes a stunning shade of emerald green, her lips red as that of a ripened apple, her skin white and flawless like the purest of snow. Her lithe body was both delicate and strong and was the embodiment of perfection. She floated there like an angel beneath the clouds as she shot five arrows at the same time. How the hell is that even possible?! At one time she dropped her bow and began to shoot fire balls from her hands at the orcs. She pretty much defeated the entire orc army by herself, even the freaking Nazgul that, according to a Tolkien fan friend of mine, was supposed to have been taken down by our elf, Legolas. Not that I wanted him to have another moment of spotlight that he would soon rub in, but come on! The girl shot that ugly bug face dragon and just pretty much did what only a thousand year old warrior could do!

When the battle was over, she came down and it was as if the men had seen the light for the first time in years. In their eyes she was the sun and they were but lowly peasants in her presence. Even Aragorn and Legolas were turned into nothing but loyal slaves before her. Only _I _remained clear and sane in that moment and recognized her for what she really was: A Mary Sue. Not just _a _Mary Sue, _the_ Mary Sue. She couldn't be more perfect even if God wanted her to be!

For the next few days, we traveled together with, let me take a deep breath before I say it, Estella Luce Jacintha Mariah Ailyah Icarus Diamond Heart of the Golden Sword. What the hell did the girl do when she was learning to write her name in Kindergarden?! Throughout those days, the men seemed as if they were in a trance. She was all they could see, hear, smell or talk about. Highly annoying it was. I have a question, why is it okay for this fourteen year old girl to wear a skimpy dress with her ridiculously large boobs practically hanging out, her skirt so short it left nothing to the imagination and leggings so tight that they looked like they were about to squeeze the life out of her legs, but _I_ can't sacrifice half my skirt to save my own life without being called indecent? Remember? The orc that dragged me away in Moria that forced me to cut a piece of my skirt to get free of him? Well, this girl just willy-nilly pranced around in a super mini skirt that cannot even be called a skirt! It was more like a piece of cloth that desperately tried to be a skirt! And _I _could not go with a few inches less of clothing, but _she _could go around with practically no clothing at all! Injustice and discrimination I tell you!

I worked really hard to get where I am now and here comes this perfect little girl that probably hasn't gone through puberty yet, and steals all the glory away just like that?! Nu-uh, not on my turf she's not! You want me to tell you the weakness of a Mary Sue? The Wrath of a jealous woman. The next day she_ mysteriously_ disappeared and while the men were sad for a while until the spell wore off, I, on the other hand, was oddly in a very good mood. Let's just say my hand might have _slipped_ a poisonous mushroom or two, maybe a dozen, into her soup.

Don't mess with Alexandra Lucia Granger.

**So watcha think? I personally love this one. We wrote this sooo long ago, but while trying to stay in a certain order, we had to wait, but now we can finally know the reaction you had from this ^_^**


	32. Reason 32

**We are very happy about the reactions you had to the last chapter. It was what we had hoped for. We love how some of you gave the title of Defender and Sue Slayer and the Ding dong the witch is dead thing, they made us laugh. **

**So this is the Dark Sheep of this fanfic. It is not really for humor, but a serious reason which why we would never want to join the Fellowship. All of you who are faint of heart, like me and Windy-san, get some paper towels, maybe even a real towel, and get ready to have your heart shredded into tiny little pieces. Well maybe not so much, but you will be moved. It's quite long as well since we thought it deserved some deepening into the subject.**

**_32- _****A fallen comrade… **

Since the very day we departed from Lothlorien, I had been going nuts thinking that Boromir's time was soon to come. I had not given Gandalf's death a single thought since I knew he would come back to us, but Boromir… Every minute of every day my anxiety grew and I had to control myself more than one time to keep myself from bursting and telling everyone what was going to happen in hopes of avoiding it, and by "controlling myself" I mean this:

"Alexandra," said Frodo, approaching me while I was sitting by the river, pondering on Boromir's death. "You have been rather quiet lately. Are you alright?"

"What?!" I burst out like a maniac. "Can't I be quiet? Don't you enjoy my silence? Last I checked, everyone here has the right to remain silent as long as they want!" It made no real sense, and I was sure I had startled the poor fella, but I hardly had control of myself, and this was the only thing I could do while trying to hide what I really wanted to say.

"Oh, I am sorry," said Frodo, taking a step back. "You can be silent for as long as you want."

"What?! Now I can't talk and have to remain silent? What are you, my mom? You don't want me to talk? Well you know what? Now I want to talk. Let's talk, Frodo, we never talk. So how's the ring?"

Poor Frodo looked lost for words and all he could say was "Uh…uh…um…"

And then he turned his face to Legolas, begging for help with those big blue eyes. Legolas rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"I told you not to ask her," he said.

These types of incidents kept happening more and more often, which annoyed most of the Fellowship. But I was losing my wits! I know what you're thinking, that me and Boromir didn't get along that well, but recently we've been talking more often and I could see that even though he was a little erratic, and by a little I mean a LOT, he really did just want what was best for his people. And now that I think about it, he is pretty handsome, but let's not get sidetracked now.

The night when Aragorn and Boromir fought, again, I had this immense sense of dread. I knew the day was near where we would all have to say goodbye to Boromir. So needless to say I really didn't sleep much that night.

The day came when we left the boats on the shore and Aragorn was giving directions for the upcoming journey. I had my eyes glued on Boromir the whole time, making sure that he even got the idea of leaving, I would somehow distract him into staying. Everything had gone well for the first few minutes, I turned my back to him for two freaking seconds and when I turn around, he suddenly disappeared. And that one second I felt as if somebody had dropped a boulder on me. As I frantically searched for Boromir, I hear Merry ask the dreaded question "Where is Frodo?" It's like I suddenly went insane. I dropped everything I was doing and ran towards Aragorn, grabbed him by the collar and yelled:

"Boromir is gone! We HAVE to find him now!"

The entire camp was stunned by my reckless action, and they looked at me with confusion, especially considering I never showed much care or emotion for anyone around me, so my outburst for Boromir was quite the show.

Everything is a bit hazy from there on. I darted into the forest with my sword at hand and a bag of throwing knives Galadriel gave me, but I'll save that story for another time. And then I heard it, Boromir's horn. I stopped in my tracks and followed the call as if hell would get me if I didn't. I could hear the stomping of the Uruk-hai army as they got closer and closer. Then I saw it, the huge Uruk drawing the bow that held the arrows that would end Boromir's life. I threw one of my knives, but the Uruk was so heavily armed and I still wasn't strong enough, so the knife bumped into him, yet did not really did him much harm. At least it stopped him from firing the first arrow, but then several Uruks saw me and approached me. I was trying to avoid them, when I hear the twang of the bow, the whooshing of the first arrow and I turn around just in time to see it pierce Boromir's chest. That's when I completely lost it. I began to hack away like a psychopath, desperate to get to the bastard who shot the arrow. The second time I heard the sound of a new arrow being released, it felt as if my heart was being torn, and I screamed desperately.

Finally I reached the bastard Uruk as he released the third arrow. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion, my eyes followed the arrow all the way until it impaled itself on his body. For a second our eyes met, and I could see he knew I had tried with all my heart to stop what was going to happen. Suddenly his eyes widened and I followed his eyes, turning my head just in time to see the huge black hand hit me in the head. Everything swirled and I felt myself tumbling down the mountain...

I remember somebody shaking me awake. My head hurt and I was dizzy. I heard voices calling my name but I couldn't pinpoint where they were coming from. When I opened my eyes, all I saw was a cascade of golden strands and two pools of blue.

"Aragorn, she is awake," It was Legolas who had woken me up. I immediately sat up, my eyes wide with a crazed look in them as I frantically looked around for him. I grabbed Legolas by his shoulders and shook him violently as I screamed.

"Where's Boromir?! Where is he?!" I can hear my voice beginning to break from panic and fear.

His eyes grew heavy and sad, a sadness that seemed to reassure all of my fears. He turned his head slowly to the right and I followed his gaze until it landed on the body not far from us. He was all tucked in, sword in his hands as he laid still on the ground. A dagger through my heart would have hurt less than this. I staggered to my feet and bolted to where he lay, my legs shaky and unstable, making me trip as I screamed his name. I didn't even make it to Boromir, I came to a sudden halt as the realization finally hit me, seeing his body sickly pale and the arrows protruding from his body. I started to run towards him once more, but I was held back by a strong arm around my waist. I started to fight the one who was holding me, but he had an unbreakable grip on me. I kicked, I screamed, I yelled profanities that would have gotten me killed on a burning pole, all the while my eyes wouldn't leave the sight of his dead body. It wasn't until a hand covered my eyes and a voice whispered sadly into my ear: "It is too late Alexandra…it is too late, he is gone already…," Legolas voice broke a little at the end as he held me tighter, making sure I wouldn't be able to escape, his hand gently but firmly covering my eyes from the terrible sight. My shoulders shook violently as I started to cry and scream my pain, and all the while he never let go of me.

I cried until I was completely exhausted and my body gave way, and even then he didn't let go. I guess, in his own way, he was being my support in my grief.

"Legolas, take her somewhere to rest," I hear Aragorn's grieving voice say.

It's then that I feel myself being picked up and carried away. Legolas walked away until I could no longer smell the stench of rotting Uruks, and laid me under the shadow of a tree.

"Sleep now, Alexandra," he says almost in a whisper.

I didn't need to be told twice. I was so emotionally exhausted that my eyes closed even before my head touched the ground. Just before I drifted into sleep, I felt the soft caress of a silken hand on my head. I opened my eyes briefly just in time to see Legolas' back walking away. Can't really say I wasn't surprised that he could be so gentle with me, and in that moment, that small gesture meant a lot. I waited to make sure that he was away from earshot, and then I cried myself to sleep, sending Boromir a last goodbye and a thank you I should have told him while he lived…

**If this didn't at least make your heart ache, even just a tiny bit… then you have no soul or must be dead! Windy-san literally had to hold back her tears back while writing this. This is truly the most serious of all the reasons and we hope that you realize that even though we write all these funny reasons, there are still some things that need to be taken seriously and war is definitely one of them. Not everything is peaches and cream in Middle earth, and we guess that Alex learned that the hard way.**


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